We are quick to action when it comes to defending ourselves; yes, and as it should be. Yet how often do we find ourselves working to improve that which was questioned to begin with? Personally, I find the deconstruction of my character to be rather uplifting. Is it bothersome to know that others are speaking out of place, casting judgements, and voicing false observation? Yes, it is wrong and unnecessary, and inconsiderate.
Yet, in my own case, it is all the more bothersome to know that their words hold some truth to them. It is not the matter of “he said, she said” here at all. It is the case of confronting that which can be easily avoided through denial. See, I have known denial quite intimately, and entertaining him has done me no favor. It is now, at 24, that I have come to know who I am. I will gladly tell any friend or stranger that I am a work in progress. I am no better, no stronger, any more intelligent or capable; I do not have any particular favor or financial freedom, yet despite all this, I know one thing: I am worthy.
This, this truth, has been my saving grace, and without it I would not have come to know peace. And this realization, it was brought to light by my willingness to confront the little bit of truth that was intertwined with rumors and lies. There had always been an emptiness; deep and full of longing, and not until now have I realized what I had been missing all along — myself. Of anything in this entire world, the saddest loss of all would be the loss of yourself; because truly, the only person you could lose yourself to is yourself. Yes, others may lend their hand, but are we not our own? If we fall to the feet of others, then have we even truly belonged to ourselves at all? And this is what I learned, that I always answered to the call of the many, but never to the call of my own heart.
Now, after much heartache, I am led by my heart and know who I am and what I want to represent in this life. It is true that if you do not know what you stand for that you can nearly fall for anything. Now, with all that I am, I write and speak only that which can ignite hope, inspiration, and act only in a manner that can demonstrate love and kindness. This self-realization, an act of self-progression and preservation, is perhaps the most daunting task that I have ever undergone and always, I remind myself that I am worthy. I am worthy; of all that is good, and if a song does sit in my heart then I have the right to sing to it; to dance, enjoy, love, learn and live. And you, you who might be reading this, you too are worthy of everything that is good in this world.
We must remain conscious, for if we are not, we will be stealing not only from ourselves, but from those whose hearts could have been touched by our movement. Change sits at the back of our throats; and if our hearts are sore and hardened, then too our words will be. It is not easy, as nothing in this life is easy, but it is worthwhile. To know yourself, truly, for all that you are, will bring peace into your life. And, like many other things as well, can you not agree that to love you must first know love? Be that love in your life that grounds you; reminding you that you are human. Human and wonderful, with flaws and aspiration.
Let this open your eyes, for if your eyes are open, then you will know where to begin.
Keep up with Victoria’s writing by subscribing, or follow her on Facebook.